Cloud, Henry :

Dr. Henry Cloud (www.CloudTownsend.com) is a popular speaker, psychologist, and cohosts of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! radio program, and cofounders of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. The best-selling coauthor of Boundaries in Dating, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, The Mom Factor, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries. He lives in Southern California.;Dr. John Townsend is a popular speaker, licensed psychologist, cohost of the nationally broadcast "Minirth Meier New Life Clinic" radio program, and cofounder of Cloud/Townsend Communications. He graduated with a doctorate in clinical psychology from Rosemead Graduate School of Psychology, and maintains a private practice in Newport Beach, CA. He is the best-selling coauthor with Henry Cloud of several books, including Safe People, Twelve "Christian" Beliefs That Can Drive You Crazy, Boundaries in Dating, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, The Mom Factor, and the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries. He liives in Southern California.

Harder Than I Thought

I saw that everything I had been learning that helped people grow was right there in the Bible all along.

It was my first day on the job in a Christian psychiatric hospital. I (Henry) was like a kid on Christmas morning. I had been taking college and seminary classes and reading all that I could get my hands on about Christian counseling for about four years, and I was ready to put my knowledge into practice. I showed up at the medical center in Dallas early that morning all geared up to teach the patients how to find the life I knew awaited them as soon as they learned the truth I had been taught.

I went up to the nurse's station and waited for the head nurse to finish writing in a chart so that I could introduce myself. The unit was bustling with early-morning activity. I saw patients talking with their doctors and visiting with each other. Nurses were taking patients' vital signs as other people were beginning groups, completing homework assignments, getting medications, and having therapy sessions--all the typical activities of a busy psychiatric unit.

I looked down the hall, and a woman in a pink bathrobe walked out of her room. She extended her arms outward and exclaimed, "I am Mary, Mother of God!"

Now think about this. Here I am, brand new at Christian counseling, and thinking that all I had to do was come in and tell people God loved them, and if they would understand more of what he has said, they would be well. This was what was going on in my mind. But when I heard what this woman said, I thought: This is going to be harder than I thought. It was a thought I would have many times in the year to come.

FOUR MODELS OF HOW PEOPLE GROW

IN CHRISTIAN CIRCLES AT the time I was beginning training, there were basically four popular ways of thinking about personal growth: the sin model, the truth model, the experiential model, and the supernatural model.

The sin model said that all problems are a result of one's sin. If you struggled in your marriage or with an emotional problem such as depression, the role of the helper was to find the sin and confront you, urging you to confess, repent, and sin no more. If you did that, you were sure to get better. It was like many three-point sermons I had heard in strong Bible churches:

God is good.

You're bad.

3. Stop it.

The truth model held that the truth would set you free. If you were not "free," if some area of your life were not working, it must be because you lacked "truth" in your life. So the helper's role was to urge you to learn more verses, memorize more Scripture, and learn more doctrine (particularly your "position in Christ"), and then all of this truth would make its way from your head to your heart and ultimately into your behavior and emotions. Passages that emphasize knowing truth, renewing your mind, and how you "think in your heart" became a new theology of "thinking truth to gain emotional health."

The experiential model held that you had to get to the pain in your life--find the abuse or the hurt--and then somehow "get it out." Proponents of the more spiritual versions of this model either took the pain to Jesus or took Jesus to the pain. In a kind of emotional archaeology, people would dig up hurts from the past and then seek healing through prayer or imagery or just clearing out the pain. Proponents of this model emphasized Jesus' ability to transcend time; he could be "there" with you in your pain or abuse and could change it. The supernatural model had many variations. Charismatics sought instant healing and deliverance; others depended on the Holy Spirit to make the change happen as he lived his life through them. Exchanged-life people (those who hold that you just get out of the way so Christ can reproduce his life in you) as well as other very well-grounded students of the spiritual life trusted God to lead them and make changes in them.

While I saw value in all four models--and practiced all four to some degree--it wasn't difficult for me to decide which one made the most sense. After all, I was heavily into theology and studying the Bible, learning doctrine, and knowing everything I could about God and the faith. I have always been a big believer in the authority of the Bible. So I found the most truth in the truth model. I found enormous security in learning about God's plan for life, his sovereignty, my position in him, and the doctrines of forgiveness, justification, and the security of the believer. I believed in the power of the Bible and knew that God's truth could change any life. And I knew that if I could just teach others the same things and encourage them to know the truth as I was learning it, they would find the same kind of growth I had discovered. Yet, at the medical center I saw people who had walked with God for years and many who knew more about God's truth than I did. These people, laypeople and pastors alike, had been very diligent about prayer, Bible study, and other spiritual disciplines. Nevertheless, they were hurting, and for one reason or another, they had been unable to walk through their valley.

The woman in the pink bathrobe was a missionary who had been called off the field because she was out of touch with reality--out of touch with who she really was and where she was in time. Although the realization I had had with this particular woman came in response to an extreme situation, I had the same realization over and over with hundreds of other more normal clients. To deal with marital, parent-ing, emotional, and work struggles, people had tried the things they had been taught, and they felt as though these spiritual answers had let them down. And I began to feel the same way. Again the realization hit me: This is going to be harder than I thought.

In the spring of his sophomore year in college, the future Henry Cloud had envisioned for himself dissolved into questions too pressing to ignore about his career path and his relationships. This time of personal turmoil set him on a path of inquiry and discovery into the heart of the Bible--a journey that Dr. Cloud and his partner, Dr. John Townsend, have taken together through the years. What they found out about how God produces change and growth in our lives did more than surprise them. It has formed the bedrock for their entire approach to counseling.

In How People Grow, Drs. Cloud and Townsend give you age-old keys to growth from the Scriptures, with life applications that may be different from what you've always thought and were told. Whether life is going well or whether you're struggling in some area, the insights in this book are essential to progressing spiritually, relationally, and emotionally. How People Grow shows you why all growth is spiritual growth, and how you can experience such growth in ways you never thought possible.

Our desire to grow runs deep. Yet the issues in our lives and relationships that we wish would change often stay the same, even with our best efforts at spiritual growth. What does it take to experience increasing strength and depth in our spiritual walk, our marriages and family lives and friendships, our personal development--in everything life is about? And how can we help others move into growth that is profound and lasting?

In How People Grow, counselors and Gold Medallion Award-winning authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend address our gut-level issues with insight and hope. This book will do more than revolutionize your understanding of Christianity--it could very well change your life.

How People Grow is the result of the authors' own journey of discovery, personally and professionally, as they began to compare various "Christian" approaches to growth with what they found really works--and what the Bible really says. Unpacking the practical and passionate theology that forms the backbone of their counseling, Drs. Cloud and Townsend shatter popular misconceptions about how God operates and how growth happens. You'll discover

• What the essential processes are that make people grow
• How those processes fit into a biblical understanding of spiritual growth and theology
• How spiritual growth and real-life issues are one and the same
• What the responsibilities are of pastors, counselors, and others who assist people in growing--and what your own responsibilities are in your personal growth

Shining focused light on the great doctrines and themes of Christianity, How People Grow takes you to the heart and the power of faith. It shows why all personal growth is spiritual growth--and best of all, it helps you understand the Bible in a way that will help you head with confidence down the high road of growth in Christ.

Preface

PART I. PARADISE LOST

1) Harder Than I Thought
2) Seeing the Big Picture
3) How the Big Picture Affects the Small

PART II. THE MASTER GARDENER: THE GOD OF GROWTH

4) The God of Grace
5) Jesus: Our Example for Living
6) The Holy Spirit

PART III. FINDING THE BEST CLIMATE

7) God's Plan A: People
8) Open Spaces: The Power of Acceptance
9) Getting to the Warmth of Forgiveness

PART IV. THE PATH OF GROWTH

10) The Gardener's Handbook: The Bible
11) No Pain, No Gain: The Role of Suffering and Grief
12) Growing Tasty Fruit: Becoming a Righteous Person
13) The Value of Pruning: Discipline
14) Water from a Deeper Well: Spiritual Poverty
15) Following the Gardener: Obedience
16) Pulling the Weeds: The Problem of Sin and Temptation
17) Facing Reality: How Truth Deepens Growth
18) Putting on the Gloves: The Importance of Activity
19) Waiting for the Harvest: Time
Conclusion
Index